Curfew with a celeb, ha ha!

Tomorrow is World Laughter Day. Metrolife asked Bengaluru stand-ups to picture themselves locked in with an annoying famous person of their choice. Here’s what they said

Kitchen looks with Alia Bhatt

For Pavan Venugopal, standup comedian with Lolbagh and YouTuber, staying with Alia Bhatt, the 'millennial lingo girl', would be a Pandora's box of amusing incidents.

He says a general knowledge quiz with her would surely be a lot of fun. "Just like the airport looks, we would experiment with the kitchen look. Photoshoots of dishwashing, like the pre-workout and post-workout photoshoots that she regularly posts on Instagram with meaningless hashtags, would be another regular activity," he says.

Pavan imagines the perfect revenge to be preparing a video of a strict Keto-diet dish and then ordering a cheesy chicken burger.
"The most popular religion after Buddhism, Jainism, is the Bollywood religion, Nepotism. With Alia, I would love to discuss how to dodge questions on nepotism and still make it look endearing and subtle," he adds.

Laughter is: "I believed laughter is a way of life. Now I feel it is a luxury, luxury which is available for free. Sounds philosophical? Thanks to lockdown days."

'Rakhi Sawant is 'bindaas''

Punya Arora, photographer-turned-stand-up comedian, doesn't find anyone annoying, as she believes strongly that 'everyone is doing their own thing'.
"One person I find quite entertaining is Rakhi Sawant. I think she’s ‘bindaas’ and I would absolutely enjoy being stuck with her," she says.
Going by the way Rakhi looks on Instagram, Punya believes she is poor at makeup. "I think if we were together, we’d look hilarious. We would try to do each other’s make up end up looking more bizarre. We would end up entertaining each other because as a comic, I play many characters," says Punya.
A peek into a conversation after a makeover session, over 'chai', would go:
Rakhi: “Oh my God! I have applied make up so well you look just like Rakhi.”
Punya: “Mera Jejus jaanta hai... Oh I’m not just looking like Rakhi but also speaking like her.”
Moral: If lockdown doesn’t end, the world will have two Rakhis!"

Laughter is: "It is the most real and raw emotion I get from the audience and take back from my job. It keeps energy levels up and is a good exercise in itself."

Reality show judge Anu Malik, and being judgemental

Dr Jagdish Chaturvedi, comic and ENT surgeon, Fortis Hospitals, imagines himself in lockdown mode with music director, singer and reality show judge Anu Malik.

"I wouldn't say anything, because the moment I do so, he will start 'judging' me. I can imagine many incidents with him. If we are asked to light candles as a vigil, I would never do so, because he would shout 'Aag laga di, Aag laga di, Aag laga di'," he says.

Jagdish laughs and adds, "If he made tea and kept it on the table, I won't dare to ask who it is for, because he might sing 'Tere liye...Tere liye'. If I get hurt I'll never tell him, or he will say "it's paining, paining, paining'."

Laughter is: Vital to keep my creativity and soul alive.

Scream time and tea time with Arnab

Shrirupa Sengupta, standup comedian, would dread being stuck with news anchor Arnab Goswami.

She says, "I think all our conversations would be just him screaming and me trying to offer him tea. I am also so sure having him around would mean milk in my house souring, fans falling, tubelights, glass panes, tumblers and my mother's chinaware cracking, my rose plants wilting and the neighbourhood pigeons collectively having heart attacks." Shrirupa says the good hostess in her would 'constantly try offering tea with disastrous results'.

A conversation could be:
Shrirupa: Sir, shall we have some Chinese herbal tea?
Arnab (screaming): Don’t you dare insinuate or impute absence of loyalty to the Indian army. (after noticing that the tea is not Indian).
She adds that two things could happen thereafter. "I could develop a tolerance for decibel and diatribe. Or he would give up on tea."

Laughter is: “When someone around me is sad or frowning, I take it upon myself to cheer them up. There is something gorgeous about a person laughing — their entire being transforms into this effervescent ball of energy. It is infectious and if you watch closely, you see their worries leave them, their shoulders relax and the joy of the universe reflects in their eyes even if it is for just a moment."

'In a kamra with Kunal'

Anup Maiya, founder of Lolbagh and trainer at an IT firm, finds comedian Kunal Kamra annoying.

He believes the stand-up comic has a perpetual need to blame everything on the government: "Kunal will wake up in the morning to see the fan turned off and blame the government for it. While I make tea, he will start blaming the government for not providing people with coffee. When I start working from home, he will blame the government for not providing office cabins at home, and during office conference calls he will shout 'wah government wah'."

Laughter is: The green signal in Bengaluru traffic.