Murder, Marriage, Misogyny | Urgent need to respect women’s autonomy

The ’honeymoon murder’ in Meghalaya would have dominated the news cycle longer, perhaps, if not for the Air India plane crash in Ahmedabad, Gujarat. There was something in the case that irked society — the husband, after an arranged marriage, was killed during the honeymoon.

Similarly, some months back, a case where a woman chopped her husband up, with the help of her lover, and put the body in a barrel, shocked society. As is the case in past crimes, we are quick to villainise the woman. So, after the second homicide case, men flocked to extol the virtues of an arranged marriage, using a handful of examples from the past where men have complained of mental or physical harassment by their spouses (like the Atul Subhash suicide case) to prove their point.

After the Meghalaya honeymoon murder, an old meme ‘Sonam bewafa hai’ (Sonam is dishonest) — words written on an Indian currency note — was refurbished to ‘Sonam qatil hai’ (Sonam is a killer). Another meme doing the rounds says that Salman Khan’s character in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai decided to marry off Anjali to Rahul (who loved each other) because he had gotten to know ‘their plan’ beforehand, alluding to recent cases where wives have killed their husbands with the help of their lovers.

There are other such posts that one might come across while doomscrolling on social media, where one is likely diving into the steaming pile of comments on these posts, which give more insight into what users might be thinking. A common consensus seems to be that it is safer to let the woman marry whom she wants than put one’s life at risk.

This seems to be ironic, because shouldn’t the choice to marry a person always have been with the woman as much as it is with the man? Or, did it just take some gruesome murders for Indian men to acknowledge a woman’s consent?

It’s been a slippery slope for Indian men trying to talk their way out of their misogyny. There are many posts that allude to the apparent ‘dangers’ men are in now, in both love and arranged marriages. The solution seems simple — respect the woman’s autonomy!

Studies have shown that in the past few years the trend of arranged marriages has decreased, with more opting for love marriages. However, what these reports miss is the subtle and sometimes overt pressuring of woman that exists very much in our society. In numerous cases of love marriage, too, if one explores, one might find that tying the knot was rushed due to family interventions.

The fact that Indian society is patriarchal, and women have for long been oppressed in this patriarchal system, is a well-observed and much-discussed issue that hardly needs further explanation. However, it is also an unfortunate reality that sometimes oppression over a long period of time breeds a violent response. Perhaps, it is the disregard for the Indian woman’s voice when it comes to love and marriage that is giving us the gruesome headlines that we have today.

However, those closely following the news cycle would have also noticed an uptick of a different kind of story — the one where the husband gets the wife married off to her lover. There have also been cases of relief when the woman has eloped with her lover! If society does not respect the woman’s choice, perhaps the many acts of violence that the media has brought to the forefront have scared some men into accepting that her choice, or rather her agency to choose, matters.

This is a refreshing change from the many stories we come across where the woman meets a violent end when the spouse discovers her extramarital affair, or where husbands have killed their wives to hide their own affairs.

It all boils down to the fact that society needs to understand and accept that respecting women and their agency is the right thing to do.

Disclaimer: The views expressed above are the author's own. They do not necessarily reflect the views of DH.