To be happy, we need to develop an attitude of gratitude

Ask your counsellor

Dear Madam,

I always compare myself with others. I judge what I have with what others have and, in the process, I end up being dissatisfied. Please help.

Rinky

Dear Rinky,

There will always be people in circumstances different from ours. Some will be better off than us, and some will be worse off. When we compare ourselves with those better off than us, we tend to feel inadequate, dissatisfied, unhappy, jealous, resentful, among other such negative feelings. When we compare ourselves with those worse off than us we feel grateful, satisfied, happy, fulfilled, among other such positive feelings. The choice is really up to us – which comparison should we focus on.

To be happy, we need to be able to count our blessings and develop an attitude of gratitude, for really there is so much to be thankful for. There will always be things that we don’t have. Can we instead focus on what we do have? This is really a choice that each one of us has to make for ourselves.

Dear Madam,

I am in my final year. I was hoping to start working immediately after my graduation. But as the Covid-19 pandemic has disrupted all sectors, I am often hearing about how freshers won’t be getting jobs in the near future. This is troubling me. I seem to have lost confidence. Please help.

A student

Dear Student,

The world is throwing challenges for all of us now. We have no choice but to accept them and learn to build our resilience and bounce back in the face of adversity. There are many things out of our control in the current environment and so we have to consciously learn to focus on what we can control. Learn to control your thought process and focus on using this time to build yourself up, rather than bring yourself down. Do things that will build your confidence, help you discover your strengths and talents, be thankful for what you have, stay connected and build connections, learn new skills (there are many free options available online) that will put you in a better position to find a job.

Can you possibly think creatively of something you can do, or some service you can deliver, which may have a market in the current environment? Talk to people who can mentor you and give you some pointers and advice. While traditional jobs may be harder to find, there may be many opportunities to explore if you allow your mind to expand creatively. As the saying goes, when the going gets tough, the tough get going.

Dear Madam,

I have been recently laid off as my company downsized its workforce due to loss in revenue. I have been trying for a new job but there are no openings in most places. I was supposed to get married last month but the wedding date has been postponed. I haven’t told anyone in my family about the job loss as I fear that my fiancee’s family may call off the wedding. Everything appears very bleak and I am not able to figure out what I need to do. Kindly advise.

Rakesh

Dear Rakesh,

You may want to ask yourself what you are gaining by hiding your reality and how much pressure that is putting on you. The current environment is unprecedented and you losing your job has nothing to do with your worth and value, but rather a fallout of the current crisis. By trying to hide the reality, it is not allowing you to share your concerns and worries with anyone. This is not a burden you need to carry alone. You should be honest and upfront about your situation and the fact that maybe you do need to postpone the wedding for a bit till your situation settles down.

The reason you feel the need to hide this is because maybe you believe this to be a personal failure which it is not. Being open about it and talking about it to friends and family, and potential family, may help potential solutions to emerge, but will definitely help in you feeling less burdened and stressed. Also, it is best to start a new relationship in as authentic a manner as possible rather than with facades you cannot keep up.