Let's hear it for bromance!

TREND WATCH

What did a movie like Dil Chahta Hai achieve? While the women swooned over the Smart Alec lines and the sharp suits, the men took away one idea: Bromance. They marvelled at the special relationship that Aamir, Akshaye and Saif shared on screen. Since then, bromance has made for a great sub-plot in movies and on television shows. For the average Joe or Jai, it became perfect legitimate to make time just for his ‘bros’ — to catch up, bond, even shop — minus women!

Best friends Harsimran Singh and Pramod Arora met at Symbiosis MBA Institute in Pune in 2003. Over notes and shared lunches in the cafeteria, their friendship grew into a strong bond. Soon enough, they were sharing the college dorm. Pramod (29) now works with a pharmaceutical firm in Noida while Harsimran (28) lives and works in Gurgaon. The two friends now want to try something together — marriage! With a plan to tie the knot on the same day, Pramod says, in all earnestness: “We are looking for two sisters or best friends who will marry us. We’re best friends and it would be great if our wives got along just as well as we do!” The two friends have also jointly invested in property. “Our families are rather thrilled with our decision,” insists Pramod.

For men, ‘beer with the buddies’ has always been a sacred ritual. Earlier, Indian society had dedicated spaces for men and women at social gatherings. The men would sit around drinking, while the ladies would serve them hot pakoras. But today’s young and fearless have come a long way from that day and age.

Men have defined a space and a trend that allows for more than just banter or beer. “I like to take my boys out and hit the road,” says Guru Munsihwar (28).

Guru and his friends are members of MC 500, an Enfield bikers’ group in Mumbai. Every month, they take time out of their work schedule and personal life for a road trip. They pile supplies on their bikes and speed off into the horizon.

“There is nothing that can match the adrenaline-rush of a road trip. We have priceless stories and photographs from our rides. We’ve built precious memories over the years. I would imagine that we would keep going on these trips even after our kids are in college,” says Guru with a chuckle.

Kumar Manish (28), a communications officer with a voluntary organisation, describes his six best buddies as his “guardian angels”.  He discloses that they call themselves the ‘Fracture Gang’, because for 20 years now they have seen each other through heartbreak and professionals lows!

They have travelled across the country together, cooking up meals and memories. The ‘Fracture Gang’, we’re gleefully informed, will also soon be investing in land in their hometown in Bihar, as a symbol of their solidarity.

“We consult each other when it comes to money and investments. Since we live in different cities, we make it a point to visit our hometown together, so that we can catch up over games of galli cricket,” says Ashish Ranjan (29), a member of the ‘Fracture Gang’.

Nihal G loves poker nights with the boys. Till recently, he took it upon himself to organise one such night every month. “I was pleasantly surprised to discover that many of my friends in Bangalore enjoyed poker. So I decided to make this a monthly affair. It’s not about the money; it’s more an ‘ego-and-wit’ trip! And it is always a blast,” he says. The boys’ night out would typically involve a group of 6-7 friends bonding over poker, finger food, music and, of course, alcohol. Nihal, who now lives in London, says he misses these bonding sessions so much that he may just consider moving back to Bangalore!

Vallabh Yeolekar (27) and his friends got together last year to be a part of their friend Amol Kulkarni’s birthday bash. As Amol’s birthday fell on a special day (10/10/10), his buddies flew to Mumbai from different cities, just for a day. “Amol absolutely loves Jack Daniels. So, we arranged for a special cake and got him 10 bottles of his favourite whiskey,” reveals Vallabh. This band of boys bonded over a love for gaming. Amol says, “We arranged a ‘Counter Strike’ tournament in office and that’s how we got to know each other. Till date, it’s gaming that keeps us together.”

Strong, silent and supportive

Meera Haran Alva, psychologist and psycho-therapist, says: “Unlike women, who, generally, share a strong emotional bond and can talk about relationships over a cup of coffee, men tend to convey their solidarity by sitting around talking about sports or gadgets or politics.  In Indian culture, intimacy in a relationship is defined by society.”

Meera observes that relationship boundaries are still rather rigid and people who are in a relationship, be it with the opposite sex or the same sex, are expected to express themselves in a certain manner. “There is so much repression even now when it comes to men expressing their affection for each other. Sometimes, a mere hug or holding hands can draw unwanted attention.”

Hilton C (29), a technical writer from Bangalore, agrees: “I grew up in a small town in Kerala, where holding hands with buddies, wrestling or dancing together wasn’t considered queer. When I shifted to Bangalore, I realised that people weren’t comfortable to see two men hold hands or even dance together in a discotheque. I was looked at differently and now I always make a conscious attempt to keep my buddies at arm’s length in public!”

Astha Dwivedi, a freelance business etiquette trainer, who has spent more than seven years training young management graduates, observes that young Indians, particularly the men, often experience a culture shock when they land  in a foreign country. She says, “Culture acts as a barrier and you can’t spell out every scenario to them.  I give them tips such as don’t lean in too close to women while talking, or don’t hold hands at work. But they understand the gravity of it only after they start living, working and socialising in the new city.”

Fun facts

*The term, Bromance, was included in the Oxford Dictionary in the year 2010 and stands for “a close but nonsexual relationship between two men”.

*Editor Dave Carnie coined the term, Bromance, in the skateboard magazine Big Brother in the 1990s, to refer specifically to the sort of relationships that develop between skaters who spend a great deal of time together.

*Hollywood is full of stories of bromance. Ben Affleck and Matt Damon, described as “perhaps the pioneering bromantic pair in showbiz history”, inspired an off-Broadway play called Matt and Ben. Zachary Quinto and Chris Pine, ever since the filming of Star Trek, share a bromance. After all, Kirk and Spock did share a legendary bromantic relationship!

*Brody Jenner, featured on MTV’s reality show, The Hills, debuted his own series on a network called ‘Bromance’, on December 29, 2008. The six-episode series features Jenner selecting from amongst competitors to become part of his “entourage”.

*The film, I Love You Man, released in 2009, had Paul Rudd as a heterosexual groom trying to find a best man and best friend before his wedding. Jason Segel played his bromantic partner.

*The close friendship between George Clooney and Brad Pitt, even described by some as “George’s longest lasting affair”,  served as the basis for movies like the Ocean’s series.